You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
