woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
