i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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