Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
