I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
