i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
