I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
