Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
