There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
