I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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