Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
