using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
