OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
