Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
