I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Omg I joined a choir last night...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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