a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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