yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
