There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
