She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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