Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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