How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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