ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
