Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My pussy is not your playground.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
