Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
