So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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