if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
