I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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