Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
