It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
