Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
