If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
