8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
