i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
