My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
