So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't deserve a penis
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
