Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
