If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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