hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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