So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
