1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
