i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
