i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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