If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
