apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
