how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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