Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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