Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
