I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
