How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
