I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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