The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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