I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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