I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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