I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
