you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
