i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
